Saturday, December 1, 2012

5 days

I hate people didn't answer my questions and just ignore it, that is why I prefer doing things alone most of the time
I hate pre-production, can't control everyone when there's no one listen to you

Asking for help and people just won't help, might as well to train to depend on yourself
This is what I think, or thought

Not having a good time during pre-production, "ask for people who are free if you need help" they said
The problem is, no one is free, those who are free live far away from me, who to ask?
Only asked for simple help, knowing nothing about the latest news, they were busy
So somehow I quit asking, because they were busy

Struggling with frustrations and of course anger
I admit that I have bad temper, easily get angry even though it's just a simple thing
But somehow "convincing" myself that the others didn't meant it and I myself am the problem too
Communicating, I'm not good at it, obviously

It's not really fair working like this, long hours, especially for those who never been in this field before
And treating them like that, "scolding", "demanding"
We ain't professionals, we're just college students
Why doing all these making ourselves suffer like this?

Complaining about how big they did this, why making everyone and themselves suffer
Complaining among few of them, complaining with my parents
“他们有心做就好” said my dad..... somehow my anger just fades away
He's right, at least they are serious and have the passion in doing something
Not doing something just for doing something

No matter how, things have to go on anyway

Long and late working hours, sleepless nights, tough and rough works
And again, time is the main reason why my parents tell me not to continue in this after I graduate
I hate it too, and I'm not smart in solving problems, not good in communicating
5 days of shooting days, went home late, very VERY late
Parents are angry, mum is angry, dad is very angry, even said he wanna scold the team leaders
It made me pissed. But.. well.. he's my dad, he's just worried, that's all I can say

After a few days, after day 3, mum suddenly asked me, "you like to do this?"
I don't know what to say, should I say yes? "........ok lor..."
I don't dare to say that I actually like it, 'cause I'm not allow to do this anymore
But I know she (they) know I love this too. If only the working time is not like this....

A few mistakes and clumsiness, my bad, I am clumsy
Tried to get along, tried to participate and help as much as possible
I don't want to miss all of these moments even though it's all sweaty and tough work

Been struggling to find where do I belong
I wanted to have a band, but I never met anyone with the same interest up till now
I wanted to be a hair dresser, a hair stylist, mum doesn't allow, as a main job
I wanted to study fine arts, financial problems, thanks a lot

Multimedia design, is it really the right choice? Am still thinking this every day

As I mentioned previously before, because of mmd, I've messed up my thoughts
I've "forgotten" what I wanted previously, music, painting, drawing...
But because of mmd, I'm starting to like production
I don't know a lot of things related to production, I don't watch movies frequently
I don't know who's the director producers dp, I don't know well-known production groups
I don't know local production companies and crews
All I know is I enjoyed looking at everyone working serious hard for the same aim
Which is why I love my drama club life during secondary school

12 people in a group, 8 of them since diploma, know two of them only in advance diploma, and one more recently
Other than one of the two girls I've always group with, I barely have any reaaally memorable memory with the others
They went out quite frequently, but it is always either movie or buffet
Which for me is... luxurious stuffs, wasting money *cough*
And most of the time is night time or late night, which I'm not allowed to

Been thinking, I'm going to graduate soon
Am I really going to just graduate like this without any memorable memories with my classmates?
I have some good memories during primary school, but not in secondary school (well.. maybe there are a couple of good ones)
But I didn't have this touching or "I don't want this to end" feeling at all, except for drama club
For college life, I only have memories with just the few of them
Is it going to be the same? Not much feeling when I graduate?
This ain't worth it...

I just love people who makes people laugh even though it's just teasing or stupid, they're just trying to make people laugh
Because of this assignment and the crazy few of them who love video making
I get to have this 5-day awesome memories with them
I may not be talkative or not sociable etc, but I'll be one of the audience that laugh the loudest
Really appreciate it...

It's not fully done yet actually, there's still post production, but oh well... :x

Not So Smart -end- (?)

.....and now there's other few things not done yet what the fuaaaa~k!


✿Jace✿ said...

I love the last picture!
My dear~
We met different kinda people in our lives but we can't control all of them~

KaedE said...

i know... :s
ya i love the pic too :3 ♥