Monday, June 28, 2010

End of June

*Another long rubbish post alert*

Looking back to my blog entries in June..It seems like I've been rushing here and there
Did quite loads of things(well.. compare to some other people there's more busy ones of course)
And now it's going to be July.
I have no idea whether I should say the time is fast or slow
I did quite lots of things, it seems long
But the beginning of Year 2, it just seems like yesterday, now it's already July.

Dental appointments, drama practice, etc etc and of course, ASSIGNMENTS!

I'm tired of those assignments, I think all of us do, especially... CELL ANIMATION
Keep on drawing and duplicating stuffs, around 100 or more pages
Crazy.. CRAZY!! I can't imaging how those other students or animators do these things.
Maybe next time we'll use to it...? *dies*

And other assignments... blah.
I'm obviously getting more and more lazy, individual or group work, both
Everything I do now is just "ok", "acceptable" or maybe more than that(just a little..)
I started to think, even you did the best you could, sometimes you won't get the result you deserve..
Which is a WRONG and BAD thought!
Just mentally and physically tired, and it will bring you to the negative side of thoughts Zzzz
Health is more important, so it's better to rest rather than making yourself crazy
(but sometimes there's no choice...)

Dental appointment... I'm going to say good bye to my current teeth look soon
Gonna put on braces on Tuesday which is tomorrow.. I'm gonna miss my current teeth after that..

Drama.. finally ended the performance, and I enjoyed it
It's really a great chance for me to get on the stage again, entertaining the audience
And it felt really good to be crazy again, but not as crazy as I used to be
But.. I still won't continue in it except for the coming performance, as a helper
I stunned awhile to decide whether I should quit or shouldn't, it's complicated
But still I choose to quit.. it's a hard decision, seriously.. it's challenging my courage
I can't deny that I won't be missing them, especially the few that we perform together
Maybe it might piss or disappoint some people, maybe it wouldn't
But I can't stay there anymore, my personal issue, I can't stand a packed life
My dad will be continue to be judging them, angry about them
My parents would be angry and worry like crazy
Or you can say that I'm lazy, I'm tired, and it eats up a lot of my time or whatever
I know that I can't be at least 50% focusing during the drama lessons, I can't make it 90~100%
If I'm like this, what's the point still being in there then? I don't want that.
I'll stay aside rather than being like this in the place I loved.
Well.. at least I still get to help them..

Oh ya, June, my birthday... so what? It's just a normal day.
Rushing assignments all day and week.. being sick for few weeks.. ugh
A bit happy and feeling weird to receive those wishes in Facebook
Primary school friends, secondary school friends/mates, college mates
Drama mates, cousins, a few cosplayers I know but never talk/text them before
Some who I'm not familiar, close or used to close with, they wished me
Some who I'm familiar, I know, close or used to close with, they didn't
But whatever 'cause I don't usually say out when is my birthday
Unless someone ask or someones birthday is close with mine
So... should I thank Facebook? Lol..
An awkward(really) early birthday surprise from Yvonne during the 5A gathering
I should thank her, YenTing and MeiHsien for giving me the first celebration with my friends in my life during Form 4.. and Form 5.. And this year..
But the problem is, all of them failed 'cause I already knew it which made it more awkward wtf lol
And another awkward one is last year few of my college classmates celebrate for me
I mean.. we just know each other for just a few weeks, and there's celebration? lol
It's just a simple celebration with a cake.. full with.. butter... but not mousse... *shiver*
But it's a bit.. err.. touching? hahah =X
But I'm still feel very uncomfortable when someone wishes or celebrate it for me
I love celebrating others' birthday, but mine... awkward.

Only celebrate it with my family of course, dinner and cake at night
A new Rilakkuma doll as a present from my beloved sister♥
This is important and a must for my birthday, with my family
And the present my sister gave me LOL =X
The best present is still and always my hide doll♥ during my 17th birthday
That is also the day we moved to our current home, which I was tired and moody
I can still remember how shocked, touched and happy when I saw it
I keep smiling until the next day still smiling lol
It seriously just like a dream, no kidding.

This month, my birthday month, how can I enjoy by rushing assignments?
And 25 June is Michael Jackson's death anniversary (rip)
And I'm getting old!
AND I tweeted Hisashi to wish me happy birthday but there's no response..
(I saw someone did this to Rob Thomas and he did respond, so I tried on Hisa, but.....)
Am so sad and depressed and feeling stupid..... *dorodorodoro...*
And and! We didn't get to go to Urbanscape, didn't get to see Rosevelt!
Because of Japanese class.. Zzzz...

19.. nineteen....
All I can think is, I'm getting older and older *cough*
Seriously, time flies.. half of 2010 had passed away (what? passed away?)
I'm already in Year2 in college, going to graduate next year
Next year I'll be... 20... omg old.....

Well, if it's not because of something I want to do and achieve
I won't be keep on saying that I'm old
I want to go to Japan
I want to see GLAY in person, their live performance before I die or they disband etc(HOPE NOT)
I want to see X JAPAN live performance(this one.. not much hope 'cause they're getting older)
I want to visit hide's grave
I want to go to LEMONed Shop
I want to have a band
I want to buy all merchandise, CDs, DVDs of GLAY and hide and X JAPAN
I want to buy instruments
I want to collect all hide's Fernandez MG series guitars and Hisashi's
I want to visit hide Museum (if I'm a billionaire I'll reopen the museum)
I want to sign up to be GLAY and hide fan member
I want to bring my whole family to vacation
I want to buy luxurious and nice stuffs for them
I want to buy a lot of stuffs, either clothings, cosmetics, food, toys, plush
etc etc etc.....

But the most important is to go to GLAY's concert and to have a band.

Living in this world for 19 years
I've changed, well, everyone did.. but still remain some stuffs of course
Outlook, my skin is darker(THANKS TO TARC), face complexion is healing
Hair growing longer (gonna cut it short when i'm bored or after it reach the length I satisfy wehehehe)
And... grown taller.... F.

I love a lot of children stuffs like playground and other cute stuffs
But because of my height, I can barely involve in these stuffs, ESPECIALLY PLAYGROUND
*thinks back last year went to KLCC playground with classmates for photography assignments
Me and my friend sat on the spring thingy(?), and the guard asked me to get off the spring thingy but she didn't ask my friend to...
My friend is older than me but I'm taller....*


I don't like being tall!!
I mean, there's more people taller than me, but most of my friends are shorter
And those close guy friends of mine are either shorter than me or around my height or taller a bit
Which, makes me also a guy.. And I hate the height gap between me and my friends..
And just like what I've mention before, there's a lot of things I like doesn't suit how I look
I'm tall and look like a guy, and I like cute and pretty stuffs? (and cool stuffs of course)
I'm half girl and half guy, 60% girl 40% guy, or 55%/45%, or 50%50%? ughh whatever!
Just neutral! I'm more comfortable between it!

Games, toys/plush, comics, anime has no age limits
I hate Chinese songs, I hate most of those songs/music nowadays, suck
Japanese music is still love
GLAY and X JAPAN is my favourite band and always will be
Matchbox 20 is my favourite western band
Hisashi and hide are my fav guitarists
GLAY, X JAPAN and drama changed my life
Family, friends, studies and dream are important
Music is my life
Rock, ballad and acoustic wins techno, dance, elec, R&B, rap etc
Clubbing suck; live band, head bang and mosh pit rules
Jeff Beck and Orianthi are my favourite western guitarists
Rilakkuma is cute but it's anime(for kids) is scary

etc etc etc yawn

Other than these, my thoughts are always changing.. some of them. Whatever.

Oh ya, and something to me is sad
For all these years I still can't find anyone who listens to Japanese songs like I do
I know I can find a lot of net friends like this, but I don't want to 'cause they're consider as "strangers" to me
I want it to be like.. my friends or classmates or colleague, people I know through real life
And suddenly like "oh you listen to Japanese music too??"
That would be so awesome... just like what my sis is right now
She finally found few of her colleagues listens to Japanese music.. how nice
She's lucky 'cause at least she used to have Seisyun when they used to listen Japanese songs together
Me? I only got my sis, and that's it
Maybe I can say there's two(not really..), one is my junior who loves Jrock(Katori), another is my classmate (Chiing)
Katori knows hows the feeling to buy those CDs and DVDs, but she's more to Visual Kei
Yvonne also knows the feeling but she loves Korea.. ceh
Chiing more into cute and girlish stuffs.. but she knows what is tarako and sings keroro and doraemon songs.. and some ikemen like Ikuta Toma and Mukai Osamu (LOL :D =X)
Well.. that's it =(

When is my turn to have this like my sis? =(

I mean, not just Japanese music.. rock and ballad
It's normal, but why can't I meet any friends that love these genre?
I just don't get it.

Ok enough, assignments time.

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